


of raging tides

by sinnerlikeme



Series: stevebucky. [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 20:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14220939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinnerlikeme/pseuds/sinnerlikeme
Summary: bucky’s talking in his sleep again.





	of raging tides

**Author's Note:**

> *shrugs*

Bucky’s talking in his sleep again.

At first it’s a string of unintelligible murmurs, but then an edge of urgency creeps its way into his voice and the words are chillingly clear. Steve’s eyes snap apart fully, and not because the twitching figure next to him kicked him in the shin. Usually he tries to let it pass on its own; rousing Bucky from a nightmare is as advised against as waking an infant. As painful as it is for Steve to just lay there, still as a statue, and listen to the love of his life suffer, he knows some things shouldn’t be trifled with.

Unless Bucky is thrashing and hurting himself or others regardless, but that hasn’t happened. Yet.

Tonight, however, what Bucky is saying stabs right into Steve’s core, and his chest tightens with panic and familiarity. He rolls onto his back and then his elbow, already extending a hand. Bucky’s on his belly, face buried in the corner of his pillow. Behind the curtain of tangled hair, Steve sees his mouth moving, the same sentence tumbling out.

“Sergeant…James Barnes, 32557038…Sergeant… No… 3-2-5… Three…”

The plates in his arm shift and recalibrate due to stress, and Steve sees a shudder ripple down Bucky’s spine under his sweat-stained shirt. For a moment, he can smell Zola’s lab in Italy—Bucky’s voice then was groggy and blank, but tonight it’s audibly scared. His other arm is above his head, fingers frantically tapping the edge of the pillowcase. His breathing is quickening and the panic is so evident in his body that it makes Steve’s throat swell up.

“Buck,” he whispers, but it falls on deaf ears. He inches closer, tentatively brushing the hair off Bucky’s temple and cheeks to tuck it behind his ear. His brow is pinched, tears pooled in the crook between his eye and the end of his nose. Steve’s mouth twitches as he gulps down a helpless sob. _Look what they did to him_.

 _It’s your fault_ , a bitter voice reminds him. He bows his head for a moment, his outstretched hand trembling. Something cool wisps past his face, and it feels like the cold wind of a mountain as a train zips by. An echo of a scream rings in his ears. He shivers.

“Buck,” he tries again, not bothering to hide the grief that colors his voice. “Buck, hey. Shhh.” Gently, he presses his palm flat amid Bucky’s stiffened shoulder blades. “Bucky,” he says, and he hopes with all his might that his voice is enough to coax Bucky into a safer, less frightening reality.

He rubs Bucky’s back and talks to him, sweet and gentle like he would to a child, until the shaking stops and Bucky’s breathing evens out. Bucky continues to mumble his own name, like it serves as a lifesaver and he’s desperately trying to stay afloat, wading against a tide that’s never going to quit raging. This is his life now. His second chance, tainted by…this. By whatever it is that sneaks up on him and haunts him while he’s attempting to sleep at night. It’s no wonder this is the first time in three days Bucky has come to bed with Steve.

It’s almost as if it gets worse the longer he chases rest.

Bucky’s voice eventually tapers off and his jaw and lips go slack. Steve keeps his hand where it is, assuming his touch is a factor in calming Bucky down. His own mind is racing; he can still hear Bucky muttering even though the other man has fallen back into a less gut-wrenching sleep. If he’s just dreaming now, Steve prays it’s good.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispers, mostly to himself. He’d kiss Bucky’s forehead but is afraid to move aside from the rhythmic stroke of his hand. So he lays like that for hours, watching Bucky sleep, wide awake with fear and guilt and sadness and the overwhelming urge to cry.

 _Look what they did to him_ , that voice says again.

 _Look what I’ve done for him now_ , a kinder voice points out, and it changes the way Steve looks at the whole situation. For whatever reason why he didn’t jump off the train after him, Steve is unequivocally here now, and he plans to stay for as long as Bucky needs him. If Bucky didn’t have him then, he has him right now.

Dawn is breaking outside when one murky blue eye cracks open and flicks toward Steve. Steve finally moves his hand, bringing it to Bucky’s vibranium elbow and offering a lopsided grin as if assuring Bucky it’s just him. Bucky stares at him wordlessly for a long time. His expression doesn’t change, and it’s a little eerie. But Steve looks back at him, warming Bucky’s elbow as his hand rests there, content to simply look at his best guy. Bucky seems small in this moment, but not guarded.

Bucky blinks in a way that tells Steve he’s awake, more alert than he has been. His jaw works and his tongue pokes out to wet his lips. Then he rasps, “Steve?” almost sounding surprised. It sends a burst of heat through Steve’s chest, hearing Bucky utter his name.

“Yeah, Buck,” he whispers back, smile growing. “I’m here.”

The corners of Bucky’s plush mouth quirk upward and he nuzzles the edge of his pillow, stretching his legs. The tiny sound he makes is the cutest thing Steve’s ever heard in his life. Then Bucky crawls closer, abandoning his spot to curl into the safety of Steve’s body. Steve embraces him, tucking his nose into the mess of Bucky’s hair with a satisfied hum.

Nothing else is said. They merely hold one another, comforted by the lack of personal space. Steve listens as Bucky soon drifts off to sleep again, heavy in his arms. Steve allows his eyelids to slip shut, too, and after only a minute he’s succumbing to sleep. His mission is over for now. Now they both can find peace.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and reviews make me smile


End file.
